DATELINE
NCR
July 4 2010 Time 8.15 pm

A DEAD RELATIONSHIP

Often it happens, you meet someone, you feel a great bonding and you see immense possibilities ahead for making it a success together for both involved. You start calling each other, you make plans, you keep the other person in your plans. All this because you want to believe in what you felt in your very first meeting and you want to believe in the possibilities and you want to keep the hope alive. Every relationship adds to the compound hope for keeping alive, for continuing striving. But then the hard reality, of which you had lurking doubt right in the initial stage, hits you that it was a futile connection and nothing ever was going to come out of it, for you and perhaps for the other party. Here I like to share with you one such story of a dead relationship in the arena of work. This is my version; I can’t give you the version of the other person as that is beyond my reach. However I do feel the other party involved didn’t have much need for me. She was already settled in her life, in work etc and for her a possible synergy with me was an added thing – if it worked or not worked it didn’t have much impact on her.

…She came in. I was sitting around a round table in an office in NOIDA getting briefed of an E-learning project. She was also going to be the part of the team. For our convenience, let’s name her as Sally. I can’t give her real name as my purpose of sharing this story with you is to just share a commonplace life experience and it’s not an attempt to defame her or get even with her. I write as it helps me to develop my understanding of this world and I believe in sharing as some of you might have had similar experiences.

Let’s get back to the story.

Sally came in. She was puffing and panting and told me that her family had a history of high BP or in other words her family and she too tends to get overstressed. I smiled at her for sharing such intimate information even before we shared each other’s names. She looked well-bred, sophisticated, very modern and un-needy for work. She worked because she likes to work and has to keep herself gainfully busy.

We struck a chord. We were given a separate room away from the main office space where permanent staff worked. While working in the same room, we started sharing bits and pieces about our professional life and started sharing our ‘dreams’, started consulting each other when we got stuck with something with the work in hand. Soon I found myself accompanying her for little drives around for some errand of hers as a break for me and we kept talking in her car. Our supervisor got wind of it and started asking us about our walkabouts which we found amusing. We were two mature freelance professionals and had every right to meet, discuss, plan etc. I felt it resulted in us getting separated. She was given different kind of work on the same project and was given a workstation in a space faraway from me.

We took it our stride and busied ourselves with the work in hand. After few months I left the project and went away overseas but by that time we had developed an email thread and I had started sharing my existential worries too with her. I enjoyed talking to Sally as she listened to me as a very involved and compassionate listener and never tried to pull me down.

I felt I could talk with Sally endlessly about any matter which concerned me - professional, personal, societal, spiritual etc etc. She showed great interest in my writing and I was too happy to email her first chapter of a long-pending work. I eagerly waited of her feedback but it never came. Not a word. I started getting worried about my work being plagiarized, misused etc and stressed over it for a long time. Then I requested her to send me an email saying that she will not misappropriate my work. That email never came. My frustration started building up. I was no longer getting response to my mails from her. While overseas, I called her few times as I wanted to share my experiences but she was always in a rush and always talked about not checking that particular email account which she only gave me.

Never mind. I returned to India and after resettling reconnected with Sally. She sounded happy and again talked about the possibilities which could arise out of our association things like setting up an Editorial service, setting up a publishing house. I freely made my inputs and said to work with her to realize these ‘dreams’.

One day she called up asking me to consider a project. After initial discussion she asked me to prepare a power point presentation so that she could pass it on to the client for further discussion. She told it was all at an exploratory stage but if it works out I will be part of her team. I took my time and after exchanging few phone calls did email what was asked for.

In no time she asked me to visit her in NCR at her home office. I dusted off my rattling car, organized a driver and went to her place. We had a good discussion and I felt she was not following obvious leads for preparing the text for the proposed writing project. I felt good in making a good input and following up on some leads by calling up etc. We worked out our strategy and I returned home spending over Rs 1000/ on fuel and driver.

Then there was a sort of silence. I did some follow-up emails. Got no reply then in utter frustration I called her up and asked about status on the promised work. I was told things like the project director have changed and the whole thing was being re-discussed etc etc and she will keep me in the loop. But I was never in the loop. Nothing came out of this month-long mental churning and till today I have no idea if she got the project or not. Or I allowed myself to be used up to facilitate her securing the project.

I also observed that all through almost a year-long phone, email, personal meeting routine, Sally never ever shared anything personal and always talked in response to what I had to say.

I felt very let down and white-boarded her name making a note that I had to close chapter with her. I still had to receive that precious mail regarding my work of writing I had emailed much earlier in the course of our association.

I called her and told her about how stressed and deceived I felt and wondered why she can’t just pen down a two-liner email to calm my nerves. I knew even after sending this email, if she wanted she can misappropriate my work anytime. It will be difficult for me to trace as word of writing is so big which includes internet-based publishing. I trusted Sally and still trust that she is a person of good moral standing and wouldn’t do any such thing. She herself is a writer. When called, she was amused with my worries and laughed it off but did email something similar to what I asked for. I still need to print a copy and keep it safe in case I might need it in the future.

With this all was over between us. We had reached a dead-end. All the possibilities which we envisaged I knew were not going to take off, I got on with life. Then again I got an email from her seeking my interest in some project which sought her recommendations for a writer. I was least enthused about it. I let the email wait in my inbox but then replied sending her CV thinking may be it was a genuine query. I thought I will consider when I come to it. Otherwise it felt like sending my CV to an online dustbin. I suppressed my ego and gave Sally one more chance to redeem it all for both of us.

But there was nothing to be redeemed. I never got any response from Sally and I have no interest left to follow it up with her. I still have her number on my mobile which has escaped deletion.

I still feel we could just talk and not work with each other but what’s the point. I rather take things deep within to have a better understanding, I shall rather write and share to have a better grip on things.