सूखे बादल हैं ये लोग

2004
समर हिल मोहल्ला, सिडनी

सूखे बादल हैं ये लोग
बिन बरसे ही टंगे रहते हैं
तुम्हारे आस पास
तुम इनको छूते रहते हो बार बार

बादल हैं बरसना तो है ही
अब जब आ कर टंग गए
हैं मेरे सर पर
तो इनको तुम पर बरसने
का मोका तो देना ही होगा

तुम्हारे हाथ में तो इनकी लगाम नहीं
अब बरसे तो कब बरसे तुम्हारी बला से
तुम तो ये तुम्हारे पास हैं यही
जान कर तकते रहतो हो इनको

पर अगर तुम्हे मालूम होता की
सूखे बादल हैं ये लोग
तो तुम अपना बरसना थोडा लटका देते
बरसते तो लेकिन साथ साथ बरसते
इन्हें तुम्हारा चुपके से आना जाना
तुम्हारा हलके हलके बरसना
भी प्रेरित नहीं करता

तुम एक बूंद गिराओ तो उसको गटक लेंगे
बूंद से बूंद नहीं मिलायेंगे ये लोग
सूखे बादल हैं ये लोग

[काफी उकता चुकी थी विदेश प्रवास से,अधूरी मुलाकातों, अधूरी अधूरी जिंदगी से। यह कविता एक प्रतिकिर्या है उस दोरान मिले लोगों को लेकर । ]

©sumeghaagarwal

DATELINE

NCR

JULY 4 2010 TIME 10.50 PM

A COOL PROFESSIONAL

Who is cool? I we take it as one who goes about their work with calm, delivers what is promised, doesn’t try to extrapolate seeking something else in lieu of the work done; someone who does the work and doesn’t let his/her ego become a bottleneck. In other words someone who does your work effortlessly and puts to bed all your worries, stress about the work to be done. Here I want to share story of an insurance professional I came across in connection with my car insurance job. I dealt with him for three years for insurance renewal and to me he came across as a cool professional who delivered as asked on time.

…I went to a national insurance company office in Delhi for the renewal of insurance on a second hand car I had bought recently. I met this guy let’s name him Avi who was working away at a computer. Being in a government office I worried about the usual hassle of being told like - it can’t be done today as Comps are down or told it can only be done in the morning or the person concerned is on leave etc etc.

As I approached him nervously, he very calmly took my papers, did some calculations, gave me a figure, and changed the address taking my government bank account book as evidence. I had all the papers but still worried about a missing paper. But his approach was very positive right from the start. Everything was in order. I paid, got the receipt and was told papers will be ready tomorrow. Looking at my address in Indirapuram, he himself offered to drop it to me next morning as he lived close by. I worried about him seeking some extra money etc or having to chase him. But no next morning he came early morning and gave me my papers and left. I was so relived as the renewal was done on time and just to collect the papers I didn’t have to waste another four hours to travel to the insurance office. Avi also offered his card and told me that the following year when the renewal is due all I had to just call him and he will do the rest.

Much to my surprise he did it. Next year I called him just a day before renewal. He made the papers and next morning gave it to me personally. While I was still sleeping, he was already there at my society reception. It so happened he was dropping her daughter to school and my house was on the way. Still it was some effort to come and wait for me to come down. Once I asked Avi to come up and offered tea but he refused. He never asked me any personal question, never took any interest in my matters. He never told me about himself and never tried to build a friendship saying things like do visit us etc. He came, he delivered, gave me my papers and left. I wondered what was in it for him. I realized there couldn’t be anything for him except that he was being helpful and didn’t think much of it to serve a client personally. He didn’t’ make it an issue for having to come to my society reception though he could have asked me to collect the papers from his home or could have asked me to come to some point to collect the same. One year, when he came up to my flat I was buy preparing for a cultural program with the society kids. I sort of told him the reason behind the messy state of my flat.

Much to my surprise, he was very appreciative of my efforts and wished me good luck and said if he could he too would join in with his family. The following year, I followed the same routine. He did the work, apologized for not been able to come to the function last year etc . I am not sure if insurance agents working directly in the office get a commission on every job done. But so far for three years he didn’t ask for a single extra rupee. In the fourth year, he did talk of something like facilitation fee. By now I started thinking how do I reward Avi for the hassle free service? I thought of buying a gift etc. I had no qualms about giving him extra Rs 200 in the fourth year. He had already saved me at least thousand rupees, time over last three renewals. Above all he saved me from all the unnecessary stress as just in the nick of time insurance used to be renewed and I was able to continue using my car. Because of his efforts, I didn’t have to a miss a single day on not being able to use my car.

Avi played a cool and graceful role in keeping me on the road. He never made any disparaging remarks on me using an old car. He did ask me once or twice to buy a better car as he said it would suit me better for somebody who worked and lived abroad. I told him it didn’t matter much to me as long as car took me to my destination. I also told him than generally in the West owning a car was not a status symbol but a convenience.

I forget to mention, Avi never tried to sell me any other insurance polices. Never cross-referred me. Occasionally I had some other insurance queries for him. Once I called him regarding some insurance related educational matter. He proved to be a great help. Now my second hand car is slated to go to scrap dealer as having run out of its fitness limit etc so I won’t need Avi’s services but he will always remain a reliable trustworthy source on issuance matters for me.

DATELINE
NCR
July 4 2010 Time 8.15 pm

A DEAD RELATIONSHIP

Often it happens, you meet someone, you feel a great bonding and you see immense possibilities ahead for making it a success together for both involved. You start calling each other, you make plans, you keep the other person in your plans. All this because you want to believe in what you felt in your very first meeting and you want to believe in the possibilities and you want to keep the hope alive. Every relationship adds to the compound hope for keeping alive, for continuing striving. But then the hard reality, of which you had lurking doubt right in the initial stage, hits you that it was a futile connection and nothing ever was going to come out of it, for you and perhaps for the other party. Here I like to share with you one such story of a dead relationship in the arena of work. This is my version; I can’t give you the version of the other person as that is beyond my reach. However I do feel the other party involved didn’t have much need for me. She was already settled in her life, in work etc and for her a possible synergy with me was an added thing – if it worked or not worked it didn’t have much impact on her.

…She came in. I was sitting around a round table in an office in NOIDA getting briefed of an E-learning project. She was also going to be the part of the team. For our convenience, let’s name her as Sally. I can’t give her real name as my purpose of sharing this story with you is to just share a commonplace life experience and it’s not an attempt to defame her or get even with her. I write as it helps me to develop my understanding of this world and I believe in sharing as some of you might have had similar experiences.

Let’s get back to the story.

Sally came in. She was puffing and panting and told me that her family had a history of high BP or in other words her family and she too tends to get overstressed. I smiled at her for sharing such intimate information even before we shared each other’s names. She looked well-bred, sophisticated, very modern and un-needy for work. She worked because she likes to work and has to keep herself gainfully busy.

We struck a chord. We were given a separate room away from the main office space where permanent staff worked. While working in the same room, we started sharing bits and pieces about our professional life and started sharing our ‘dreams’, started consulting each other when we got stuck with something with the work in hand. Soon I found myself accompanying her for little drives around for some errand of hers as a break for me and we kept talking in her car. Our supervisor got wind of it and started asking us about our walkabouts which we found amusing. We were two mature freelance professionals and had every right to meet, discuss, plan etc. I felt it resulted in us getting separated. She was given different kind of work on the same project and was given a workstation in a space faraway from me.

We took it our stride and busied ourselves with the work in hand. After few months I left the project and went away overseas but by that time we had developed an email thread and I had started sharing my existential worries too with her. I enjoyed talking to Sally as she listened to me as a very involved and compassionate listener and never tried to pull me down.

I felt I could talk with Sally endlessly about any matter which concerned me - professional, personal, societal, spiritual etc etc. She showed great interest in my writing and I was too happy to email her first chapter of a long-pending work. I eagerly waited of her feedback but it never came. Not a word. I started getting worried about my work being plagiarized, misused etc and stressed over it for a long time. Then I requested her to send me an email saying that she will not misappropriate my work. That email never came. My frustration started building up. I was no longer getting response to my mails from her. While overseas, I called her few times as I wanted to share my experiences but she was always in a rush and always talked about not checking that particular email account which she only gave me.

Never mind. I returned to India and after resettling reconnected with Sally. She sounded happy and again talked about the possibilities which could arise out of our association things like setting up an Editorial service, setting up a publishing house. I freely made my inputs and said to work with her to realize these ‘dreams’.

One day she called up asking me to consider a project. After initial discussion she asked me to prepare a power point presentation so that she could pass it on to the client for further discussion. She told it was all at an exploratory stage but if it works out I will be part of her team. I took my time and after exchanging few phone calls did email what was asked for.

In no time she asked me to visit her in NCR at her home office. I dusted off my rattling car, organized a driver and went to her place. We had a good discussion and I felt she was not following obvious leads for preparing the text for the proposed writing project. I felt good in making a good input and following up on some leads by calling up etc. We worked out our strategy and I returned home spending over Rs 1000/ on fuel and driver.

Then there was a sort of silence. I did some follow-up emails. Got no reply then in utter frustration I called her up and asked about status on the promised work. I was told things like the project director have changed and the whole thing was being re-discussed etc etc and she will keep me in the loop. But I was never in the loop. Nothing came out of this month-long mental churning and till today I have no idea if she got the project or not. Or I allowed myself to be used up to facilitate her securing the project.

I also observed that all through almost a year-long phone, email, personal meeting routine, Sally never ever shared anything personal and always talked in response to what I had to say.

I felt very let down and white-boarded her name making a note that I had to close chapter with her. I still had to receive that precious mail regarding my work of writing I had emailed much earlier in the course of our association.

I called her and told her about how stressed and deceived I felt and wondered why she can’t just pen down a two-liner email to calm my nerves. I knew even after sending this email, if she wanted she can misappropriate my work anytime. It will be difficult for me to trace as word of writing is so big which includes internet-based publishing. I trusted Sally and still trust that she is a person of good moral standing and wouldn’t do any such thing. She herself is a writer. When called, she was amused with my worries and laughed it off but did email something similar to what I asked for. I still need to print a copy and keep it safe in case I might need it in the future.

With this all was over between us. We had reached a dead-end. All the possibilities which we envisaged I knew were not going to take off, I got on with life. Then again I got an email from her seeking my interest in some project which sought her recommendations for a writer. I was least enthused about it. I let the email wait in my inbox but then replied sending her CV thinking may be it was a genuine query. I thought I will consider when I come to it. Otherwise it felt like sending my CV to an online dustbin. I suppressed my ego and gave Sally one more chance to redeem it all for both of us.

But there was nothing to be redeemed. I never got any response from Sally and I have no interest left to follow it up with her. I still have her number on my mobile which has escaped deletion.

I still feel we could just talk and not work with each other but what’s the point. I rather take things deep within to have a better understanding, I shall rather write and share to have a better grip on things.